Oh boy… if I had a nickel for every time I was asked this question, I would probably be a millionaire by now. I’m sure there are many other solo folks out there who are nodding their heads in agreement. Parents, nosy neighbors, aunts and uncles, new people that get to know you – it’s always the same question, “How in the world are you still single?!”
The answer to this question has had three distinct phases in my young adult life as it evolved into the one that I give today. Let’s break it down.
In my early to mid twenties when life was still rambunctious, wild, and for the most part, still fairly care free, I had a very different opinion about myself. My self-image was a broken one. To a degree, there was a side of me that still clung to that high-school mentality of what the world considers “beautiful”, and I felt that I didn’t fit it. Admittedly it took years for that self image to change, but during that time, my answer to this question would have been something along the lines of, “I don’t know, something must be wrong with me.”
Wait a second… Something wrong with me?
I was a hard-working, ambitious young adult with zero credit card debt, a paid off vehicle, a wicked life-loving spirit for adventure with a passion for cake baking. Hell, I was a baby Badass in the making and I kept thinking there was something wrong with ME? Why? Because I didn’t have a perfect “in-shape” body? Because my clothes weren’t glamorous? Because I wasn’t a girlie girl? (Actually, on this note, I was thought to be a lesbian on several occasions because of this – not even kidding). Sooo, because I wasn’t who I perceived the World wanted me to be I was broken?!
Complete and utter bullshit my friends. But you try telling a young female that in this day and age. I wouldn’t have believed you any way.
That mentality hung around for a few years and slowly began shifting towards the idea that there just weren’t any eligible suitors left. I was in my mid-twenties and by this point people were already married with half a dozen kids (welcome to Utah). A cute guy may be sitting there chatting me up, conversation is going great, aaaand then I take my quick mandatory glance down to his left hand. Oh. Hello wedding ring. Goodbye all hopes of getting his number.
Every. Single. Time.
So now here I am, stuck in the mentality that every attractive guy is already taken and I will never have one and will ultimately just have to settle. Which, come on, let’s reality check myself here for a second: EVERY attractive guy taken? Okay so what, the handful or so that came into my field of vision classifies as every male specimen on this Earth? How about any of the other potential 3 billion people on this planet? Just because I hadn’t met them has never meant that they don’t exist or are not already taken.
Yet again, I’ve caught myself in the dumbest lie ever.
By this time however, I had began to focus more on bettering my own self and looking after what made me happy. I started working out and eating healthier; I started doing activities and new hobbies that genuinely interested me – like skydiving; I picked up meditating and studied more heavily into personal growth, and, against all odds at the time, I manifested MY dream truck to my life.
For the first time in my adult life, I gained a confidence that I had never known before. I was looking after, and caring for, me above anyone else now. I was my own priority. I was the creator of my own happiness and I was doing a damn good job at it. I realized I didn’t need someone else to fill the voids for me – I wasn’t ‘looking’ anymore. There was no longer this active search for a person who would fulfill my life but rather an propped open door to a person who would compliment it. This realization was liberating.
The game had officially changed in my world and so did my answer to this question.
Why am I single?
Because at this exact moment in time, I have everything I need to be happy and fulfilled. Yes, there are many more moments, adventures, experiences to be shared with another person one day. Trust me, I look forward to those. However, in order for me to accept a change in my current lifestyle, something extraordinary must knock first.
Now, I never said that “Perfect” needs to knock. He does not exist and its unrealistic to believe otherwise. Extraordinary would be, lets say, someone who motivates and encourages me to be bigger and better than even I can dream possible; someone who has similar beliefs as me; someone who inspires me with their own life, their goals and their ambitions; someone who can pour the perfect cup of coffee!
Okay, you get the idea. The truth of the matter is, there is no need to settle for someone that isn’t extraordinary to you because you fear they don’t exist. They are out there. I’m not even worried about it and neither should you be.
I hope this shares a glimpse of how I lovingly hold my ‘single’ card close to my heart. I’m not over here with one hand on my hip, waving the card in everyones faces saying, “I don’t need no man!” Quite the opposite actually! I cherish the self-discovery journey this card has brought me and how the next relationship in line could possibly be the best one yet because of where I am at. But in the meantime, I’m perfectly happy where I am at and will continue on in self-loving Badassery.
Hopefully you find joy in your current state as well, wherever you may be on your own relationship journey.